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Rez dogs on verge of forming single consciousness, scientists warn

A team of scientists are warning that rez dogs may be on the verge of forming a single, unified consciousness.

Rez dogs, known for their craftiness and near-invincibility, are spread across Canada and live in almost every First Nations community.

“If they indeed form a unified consciousness, it would prove devastating for humanity,” said lead scientist Vince Julian.

“A unified attack would mean no moose leg bone would be safe, anywhere.”

The scientists, who said they have been observing rez dog behaviour for the past two years, made their stern announcement at the United Nations in Geneva on Thursday. The scientists claim they’ve witnessed rez dogs attempting to speak and even learning to use simple tools.

“If they learn to drive vehicles, forget about it,” Julian said.

The scientists said they’re unsure what’s causing the rez dogs to evolve, nor do they know if there is a Queen Rez Dog somewhere in Canada.