Canada pushing to have gas pipeline granted same rights as ‘person’

January 7, 2019
The Trans-Alaska Pipeline shown north of the Brooks Range near Atigun Pass. The zigzag design and fin devices allows for geologic movement and thermal expansion and contraction to keep the 800-mile pipieline from heaving and rupturing. Jim Lavrakas/Anchorage Daily News - 870602

The government of Canada is launching a legal battle to have a natural gas pipeline given the same legal status as human beings.

While rivers and mountain ranges have been granted similar rights around the globe, if successful, this would mark an historic first for artificial objects.

“This is just the first step,” said government lawyer Whitney Sada. “If we keep pushing, maybe this pipeline can even argue that it has a traditional homeland.”

First Nations leaders don’t sound surprised by the announcement.

“The f***ing things already seem to have more rights that us anyway,” said Chief Grant Seymour. “Might as well make it official.”

A spokesperson from the federal department of Crown-Indigenous Relations said that they are watching the case closely and are willing to focus all reconciliation efforts towards the pipeline should the court rule in the government’s favour.