A group of bears confirmed that multiple recent maulings are proof they’re not putting up with human’s sh*t anymore.
“Yeah, no, we’re not f—ing around anymore,” said Makwa, a 375-lb female black bear who serves as spokesbear for bearkind. “I just mauled the same guy three times this past weekend.”
The bears made the announcement at the falls behind Bostrom’s Store. Or as the bears call it, ‘home.’
Human encroachment on shrinking habitat, climate change and sport hunting are all seen as fueling the wave of maulings, the bears said.
“Plus, c’mon.” they added. “Humans are just plain a–holes.”
The press conference lasted around 23-minutes, with several bears politely answering reporters questions. However, it ended when a 455-lb male black bear shouted “f–k this sh-t, we’re bears,” and began mauling humans left and right.
“Anyways, see you assholes next year,” a bear was heard saying as it crawled into its den, exhausted from mauling people. “When you’re crying around because I repeatedly mauled you because you built your cabin on my fucking house.”