Centuries of conventional warfare proving insufficient, the world’s wealthiest white nations have discovered a new battleground: the global economy.
With tariffs flying like missiles, a full-scale trade war is now underway.
“Bombs, F35’s, and boots on the ground are a little too ‘on the nose,'” said white spokesperson Lily Leblanc.
“Jack up the tariffs, crash a few economies, and let the poor suffer—now that’s combat.”
Some have expressed concern that this financial warfare might divert funds from more traditional, explosion-based conflicts, but experts reassure that no matter how much is spent on trade battles, there will always be a bottomless budget for actual war.
We can afford both,” confirmed one Pentagon official while signing off on another trillion-dollar defense package.