Ottawa is set to fight a Supreme Court appeal that would force the country to consult with First Nations when drafting laws that deal with treaties.
“It would be an intrusion to have to live up to our many beautiful, beautiful campaign promises of a nation-to-nation relationship,” said a spokesperson from the federal government, wringing their hands in a manner considered by reporters to be painfully pitiful.
“For the love of God and all that is holy, please don’t force us into a real nation-to-nation relationship with First Nations.”
In written arguments filed with the Supreme Court, the federal government suggests having Prime Minister Justin Trudeau instead personally hug each member of the Mikisew First Nation, which launched the appeal.