The federal government is throwing a party today in Ottawa after unveiling a budget that does the absolute bare minimum for Indigenous communities.
Loud music can be heard coming from the Prime Minister’s Office and Justin Trudeau has been spotted wearing a conical party hat since Tuesday evening, having put it on immediately after the Liberal government dropped its third federal budget.
“Did you hear how many times Billy Morneau said reconciliation?” Trudeau asked reporters. “I totally told him to say that and he totally did.”
As usual, the federal budget earmarks a slightly larger amount of funds ‘aimed at’ closing the chronic funding gap faced by Indigenous communities — without ever actually closing it.
Still, the money was welcomed by the Assembly of First Nations.
“Sure, this nation enjoys billions in revenues generated from our lands each year but did you see that they gave each First Nation community one new house?” said an ecstatic National Chief Perry Bellegarde.
“By my math, that’s one more house than they had last year.”
However, a spokesperson for the federal government said that Indigenous Services Minister Jane Philpott and Crown-Indigenous Relations Minister Carolyn Bennett were being treated for injuries after repeatedly high-fiving each other.