New study suggests you’re all just lucky Billy Jack isn’t here

June 28, 2018

The results of a new study released on Thursday suggest that you’re all just lucky that 1970s-era Indigenous action movie hero Billy Jack isn’t here.

Researchers from the Institute of Roundhouse-Kick-in-the-Face-in-Bare-Feet-Ology at the University of Arizona examined the political and social climate over the past decade in both the United States and Canada and determined that conditions are ripe for serious and widespread roundhouse-kicks in the face.

“If Billy Jack was here, he would likely roundhouse-kick tens of thousands of people in the face with his bare feet, just in the United States alone,” said lead researcher Bonnie Pongsikya .

“If you include Canada, the number of roundhouse-kicks in the faces rises exponentially — possibly in the hundreds of thousands.”

The study also suggests that if the song One Tin Soldier is played across North America, Indigenous Peoples would raise their fists in the air by the millions as a helicopter-mounted camera captures the whole scene.