A team of scientists have announced that the Saskatchewan bureaus of CBC News exist in a bizarre alternate universe where First Nations are greedy land barons, bent on exploiting poor, hardworking white folk.
The startling announcement came on Monday, just days after an article from reporters in that province posited that a non-Indigenous family was being ‘forced off their land’ because they could no longer afford the exorbitant rent paid to greedy First Nations.
“That was our indication that something very strange was afoot,” said lead scientist Franklin Melville. “After careful analysis and the use of high-powered telescopes to view their articles concerning First Nations, we have determined that these journalists can only exist in a separate universe where the known history of our world is turned upside-down and reversed.”
The scientists said that in our universe, the rent paid by non-Indigenous people is far less than fair market value—sometimes just hundreds of dollars for prime, lakefront property. But in the alternate universe, that amount of money is unreasonably high and cruelly enforced.
The only explanation can be an alternate universe and not that the news team from CBC Saskatchewan downplayed or buried critical information, the scientists insist.
