A coalition of First Nations has offered to purchase the struggling Hudson’s Bay Company (HBC) with a deal reminiscent of the retailer’s own early transactions: a blanket and some tobacco.
“Seems like a pretty fair trade,” said First Nations coalition spokesperson Harold Weenuck.
“We may be willing to go as high as a copper kettle, but that’s about it.”
The proposal, which comes as HBC continues its slow descent into retail obscurity, was met with stunned silence from company executives. A source close to the negotiations report that the board is “considering the offer” but may hold out for a handful of beads and a slightly larger blanket.
“The blanket being offered by First Nations is a two point,” the source told Walking Eagle News.
“The company was hoping for at least a three point blanket.”
Analysts say the deal could be the first corporate acquisition finalized using the exact same terms HBC once used to obtain an entire continent’s worth of resources.
“It’s really coming full circle,” noted Indigenous historian Dr. Martha Maiingan.
At press time, the First Nations coalition was reportedly debating whether even a copper kettle was too generous.