Retail worker dies after not being allowed to racially profile Indigenous customers
A retail worker has died after being told they shouldn’t racially profile Indigenous shoppers. “We received a lot of negative messages on social media from Indigenous shoppers who said they…
Nation’s assholes still not sure it was racism
Thousands of assholes from across the county are speaking out against the outcry over several highly-publicized incidents of horrific racism. Though the existence of systemic racism has been proven multiple…
Pipeline stalled after First Nations erect statues of Canada’s first PM in path
Construction on a multi-million dollar pipeline project has screeched to a halt after a tiny First Nations community placed dozens of statues of Canada’s first Prime Minister Sir John A.…
Shit’s fucked up: report
The results of a groundbreaking new report released on Wednesday suggest that shit’s fucked up. “What we take from the data is that shit’s fucked up,” said lead author Solomon…
Provincial leaders outraged militarized American police don’t do land acknowledgement before brutalizing people
Canada’s premiers are speaking out against the countless images of heavily-armed American police attacking demonstrators, especially since none of the forces uttered land acknowledgements beforehand. Land acknowledgements are statements made…
‘Ok, we’re even now’ white people say after businesses burned, looted in Minneapolis
White people say centuries of injustice have been wiped away after several businesses were burned or looted in Minneapolis. “It really pains me to even have to say this because…
APTN to debut ‘Jesse-only’ episodes of The Beachcombers
Uber fans of The Beachcombers are in for a unique treat in 2020; APTN announced that it is editing episodes of the iconic TV series to include only scenes with…
Indigenous people still amazed armed white rioters SOMEHOW not shot by police
A week after angry white men armed with assault rifles stormed Michigan’s state capital, Indigenous people are still shocked that SOMEHOW none of them were shot by police. “They’re carrying…
First Nations lukewarm on Queen’s plan to make Zoom address during Covid-19 pandemic
Queen Elizabeth will use Zoom to address over 900,000 First Nations people on Wednesday, Buckingham Palace announced. However, many First Nations aren’t sure why. Officials from the Royal Family said…
Your uncle, cousins deliver stimulus package to area rez dogs
Your uncle and some of your cousins announced that they’ve reached a deal on a ‘pretty generous’ stimulus package for those rez dogs that live near the house. The stimulus…