Human sacrifice necessary if we ever want to wait in line for Tim Horton’s again, assholes declare
Human sacrifice is necessary if Canadians ever want to do things like wait in long lines for Tim Horton’s or crowd into tiny vape shops again, the nation’s assholes announced…
Businesses struggle to racially profile Indigenous shoppers amid Covid-19 pandemic
Grocery stores that have remained open during the global Covid-19 pandemic say they’re completely swamped, and that leaves little time to racially profile Indigenous shoppers. “Our ability to pretend to…
Everyone on social media expert in everything now: report
A new report suggests that every single person using Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and even Tik Tok is now an expert on science, culture, society and politics. The explosive report, Everyone…
As First Nations go under quarantine, bored bureaucrats sign MOUs with household items, pets
With dozens of First Nations communities under lockdown because of the global Covid-19 pandemic, increasingly bored federal bureaucrats are signing memoranda-of-understanding with household items and even family pets. “I signed…
Scores of angry Canadians explode after being told they can’t get cheap smokes on reserves amid Covid-19 pandemic
Hundreds of angry Canadians have spontaneously combusted after learning they’re no longer allowed to go on reserves and purchase discount cigarettes or fuel because of the global Covid-19 pandemic. “You…
First Nations beard-growing competition ends in disappointment
A social media beard-growing competition that pitted First Nations communities against each other has ended in bitter disappointment. “Yeah, we thought we’d have a little fun doing something during the…
World Solitaire Championship coming to APTN
Indigenous communities practicing social-distancing are welcoming the announcement that APTN will present the World Solitaire Championship in May 2020. The news comes on the heels of the sudden cancellation of…
Anishinaabe woman in self-isolation beads entire apartment
An Anishinaabe woman who is in self-isolation because of the global Covid-19 pandemic has beaded her entire apartment. “I started beading some moccasins seven days ago and finished those, so…
Amazon, Facebook ban reconciliation resellers amid Covid-19 outbreak
Amazon, Facebook Marketplace and sites like Kijiji and Craiglist are moving to ban people using the platforms to resell reconciliation at inflated prices. “It’s really despicable for profiteers to be…
Métis leader upset Trudeau won’t get any cake he baked for cancelled meeting
A prominent Métis leader says he’s deeply disappointed that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau won’t get any of the cake he baked for a meeting of Indigenous leaders and government that…