Canadian media seek power to acquit white people accused of crimes against Indigenous people
A consortium of legacy media outlets is lobbying the federal government to grant them the power to intervene in court cases, and acquit white people charged with crimes against Indigenous…
Scores of white Canadians injured while smugly patting own backs
Thousands of Canadians were hospitalized on Wednesday after straining themselves while smugly patting themselves on the back. The injuries occurred just hours after an atrocity occurred in another country. “This…
Ontario school district pulls Indigenous author’s book for being too Indigenous
An Ontario school district has pulled a Indigenous author’s book from library shelves and warned teachers not to use it because it’s simply too Indigenous. School district officials said the…
Walking Eagle News News Brief
Here’s a summary of some of the stories Walking Eagle News is keeping a weary eye on: ‘Oh, what are they complaining about now?’ asks man who tried to overthrow…
B.C.’s 5-year, 89-point reconciliation ‘action plan’ includes coupla armed invasions
The British Columbia government is hailing its new 5-year, 89-point plan to implement the United Nations Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples as a ‘game-changer.’ “This 89-point action plan…
Vatican officials ’embarrassed’ after leading Indigenous delegation to wrong secret vaults
Officials from the Vatican are apologizing after a delegation of Indigenous people were led to the wrong secret vaults while on a tour. The delegation, which includes First Nation, Inuit…
BC to host world’s first Reconciliation Games in 2030
British Columbia is slated to host the inaugural Reconciliation Games in 2030, the province announced on Monday. “What greater province to kick off the Reconciliation Games than British Columbia?” said…
Vatican fears Pope may need to pawn necklace or hat or something if Indigenous people seek reparations
Officials at the Vatican are preparing for the worst as delegations of First Nations, Inuit and Métis people descend on Rome for meetings with Pope Francis. Although most Indigenous leaders…
New Brunswick hiring wizard amid fears land acknowledgements can magically return land to First Nations: leaked memo
The New Brunswick government will hire a wizard or sorcerer after learning land acknowledgements may actually be magical spells capable of returning land to First Nations in the province. That’s…
Guy acting like wearing mask in coffee shop is oppression thinks Indigenous people need to ‘just get over it’
A Winnipeg man who says he’s oppressed by months-long public health orders requiring him to wear a mask before entering overpriced coffee shops thinks Indigenous people should ‘just get over’…